For men and boys

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​For International Mens Day 2019 the theme centred around  'Making a Difference for Men and Boys'.

• Ask yourself ‘Who is your role model as a man?’ 
• What do YOU do to be a positive role model for men and boys in today’s society?
• How can you ‘lead by example’ to ensure a new generation of physically, mentally and emotionally healthy young men?
• What does it mean to be masculine today and is there a correlation between the rapidly rising concerns of mental health issues and suicide in men under 45 with societal change?

Whether you are male or female we all must contribute to health promotion for wellbeing in men and boys and each other. In particular we see the challenges facing men today as highlighted through IMD and we need to create safe, happy, emotionally open and mindful relationships for the next generation. The important message is for us all to be aware of these issues so as a community we live in better balance and harmony with each other.

Heightening your level of consciousness to see the brilliance of life.

I am very aware that my young sons look up to me and my wife to find answers and guidance. I spend quality time every day with them to nurture a positively healthy relationship, knowing that as a parent I want to ensure they are equipped with the best tools to journey through life. I am conscious that they see and absorb every movement and word because they are like a canvas upon which we start colouring the perceptions and ideas of life together. They will copy my behaviours and repeat my words. If I heighten my consciousness to be more fully aware in the moment, then they too will hopefully evolve their own mindfulness effortlessly.

Last weekend my almost-three year old son son and I went on a ‘boy’s trip’ to Holland to visit the Miffy museum in Utrecht, see the canals of Amsterdam and enjoy the calm neighbourhoods of Amersfoort and Vathorst where my sister lives. This was our mini backpack adventure, and a way of introducing him to the joys and challenges of travel – car, train, bus, tram, plane and culture, experiencing different tastes and seeing different things, hearing different languages.
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To be honest we have father and son trips frequently where we enjoy the environment and observe the seasonal changes and be part of those cycles of life together. But this was a real 'male-bonding', having a few days away together. I teach him about the senses and how we nourish them, and he wants to learn more words and descriptions as his personal painting of life becomes more vibrant by being outdoors. Consequently I learn so much from him and his views of the big world around him. 
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My son has cultivated the same observational capacity that has taken me years [as I started mindfulness and meditation over a decade ago], and he notices details that I miss – the colour or shape of a leaf, moon or clouds in the sky, or a small detail on my jumper.

Mindfulness, Meditation and Yoga are fun games we play and enjoy together while enhancing our ability to reflect and express ourselves. They become a way of life that makes life more extraordinary.​

The little fella sees me sitting on my meditation mat or doing yoga and will mimic me in a joking way. But, when the moment comes when I need to explain something about his behaviour, or guide him through the middle way of right and wrong, he will also sit on the mat and look out and tell me what he sees or what he thinks. Sometimes he just thinks. If I ask a question he takes the time to consider the response, if I teach him a new word he openly reflects on it and uses it in many contexts until it fits. 
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And of course, he will throw a tantrum as any normal child and that allows the release of perceived frustration or anger. But, if we approach it together and then calmly reflect on it, he can try to understand the importance of sharing feelings and not holding on. 'Release and feel free' and 'smile to the sky' are some of the expressions that help us ease through the difficult moments.

The two of us laugh our heads off together over the silliest thing and together we cultivate joyful banter by looking and appreciating what we see through each other’s eyes and relishing in the musicality of our roaring laughter. These are my favourite moments.

When we travel and I use my phone to photograph, he allows me a few seconds but if the phone remains in my hand too long he will very clearly tell me ‘Papa, put your phone away’. This is a behaviour I am so proud of because he already understands the importance of being in company and not being lost in a screen or viewing life through the screen. He gets that I am no longer with him if I start texting or editing photos on my phone.  And I get it too [often in embarrassment as half a café will hear him tell me so!].

When I teach mindfulness I always bring in my lesson about screen time and the effect that this has on our relationships, perceptions, emotions, stress levels, and mental wellbeing. I have been particularly mindful to make sure my children notice that we, as parents repeatedly follow the advice we give. We make ourselves freely available any time the children need it, always endeavouring to make them the priority when we are near them. I never feel guilty about not doing ‘work’ and just sitting or playing with the children. Days off mean just being in the moment with what we feel like doing or exploring.

Resilience and love are like superhero powers that strengthen us while nurturing compassion.

​Going on our boy’s trip strengthens the bond between father and son as well as allowing us to talk openly about how much we miss mama and little brother, and we can call them and tell them we love them. We hug, hold hands and have so much open affection and warmth to share.
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By leading both my son’s through a mindful upbringing and teaching the great tool of meditation and reflection, I can only hope to create a strong emotional and mental foundation that will help them navigate and stand tall as they ride the waves of life’s ocean of experience. If this occurs, then I will feel, as a parent, I have given them the most important superhero power that can exist: resilience and love.

Make a difference to the men and boys in your life by nurturing them to be free, and to explore their masculinity, while maintaining the peace in their hearts to be compassionate to those around them, and more importantly to themselves.